NPR was on the radio in the car this morning and David Greene had Wajahat Ali on to talk about Ramadan — Ramadan Mubarak to my Muslim friends! — with, not surprisingly, a reference to safety and to Tree of Life here in my beloved Pittsburgh.
And here’s where I make a confession, dear readers: I felt terrible after the prior tragedies but I didn’t understand, not really. I cried though, like the odd duck I am, sitting in Eat’n Park at the Waterfront, watching the live coverage of it happening in my community. [We stayed at Eat’n Park for almost two hours so we wouldn’t interfere with the police doing their jobs or accidentally put ourselves in danger trying to get home.]
Honestly, I’ve been accused of lacking empathy before so maybe it was just me tuning out prior tragedies after a bit but living in the community has made the tragedy a part of my day. I literally — in my daily activities — drive or walk by Tree of Life almost every time I leave the house. It’s on my normal route. It’s two blocks from home.
It’s so normal for me to drive that way that, after the tragedy, I continually got tripped up by the two-square-block police barricade. (I mean, seriously, I KNEW the roads were blocked but habit is powerful.) The police barricade is long gone but now, I deliberately try to change my normal travel route. That feels wrong too. Isn’t it disrespectful to the victims to change my route so I don’t get upset when I look at the chain link fence and boarded-up glass doors and think about who was injured or killed when a terrorist shot the glass out of those doors? For those of us who live here, there are reminders everywhere: the dozens of crocheted Stars of David hung on telephone poles around the neighborhood, the police barricades during the vigils at Tree of Life to mark our 6-month terror-versary and after the recent synagogue and mosque shootings, the Steelers Star of David logo signs posted in yards and hanging in windows, the news reports that now include Pittsburgh in the list with Sandy Hook and Las Vegas and ….
My family went to Endgame together opening weekend. The theater was sold out but we were timely and got great seats, front and center, perfect and early targets for a shooter. I became anxious as I scanned the full theater still brightly lit while those annoying pre-preview ads played on the big screen. I wondered if I should say something to the kids but that was stupid (I said to myself) because we weren’t going to get shot at Endgame on a Saturday night.
And that’s how fear works. I literally silently debated ruining Endgame for my kids because I was afraid they would die.
For those who might comment here about the Second Amendment, I’m a 2A supporter. I own guns. This isn’t an anti-gun post. It’s an anti-terror post. I am not “comin’ fer yer gunz,” ya nutters.
If you haven’t seen Endgame, I got you: Batman dies in the end.
Keep yourselves safe. Much love.
