Ken often thanks me for sticking by him through all this hullabaloo (my word, not his). Perhaps I have a more optimistic view of humanity but I think most people would not abandon their sick spouses. Honestly, the first time he thanked me, I scolded him for thinking that I would be so shallow. Did he not listen to our marriage vows?! In sickness and in health, the commitment is right there. I DO have personal experience of a person abandoning his sick (and dying) spouse but I prefer to think of that guy as the exception who proves the rule.

Life has increased in complexity. I just started a new job with a great company but had to travel for the first three days. That was stressful for me and very stressful for all those I left at home. Ken warned me not to (I’m quoting him here) “die in a plane crash,” which is the last way I would choose to die. The second to last, in case you were wondering, is death by fire. I fell into a fire pit at 4 or 5 years old and can still remember the smell of my burning hair.

Haley got up at 3AM to drive me to the airport for my 5:35AM flight. She also helped Ian with homework every day that I was gone. A dear friend brought dinner over the first night and the leftovers lasted into the next day. My eldest came over Tuesday to entertain his little brother so that he wouldn’t spend too much time on that (darn) computer. Other friends checked on Ken and the kids to make sure all was okay.  Ken sometimes says he couldn’t survive without me but I say none of us could survive without our community of caring friends and family.

I knew that my kids could manage without me — two of them are legally adults (okay, Haley’s three weeks from legal adulthood). If they can’t survive without my presence for three days, I clearly failed Parenting 101, aka, Help Your Children Grow To Adulthood. Still, in the past, the mantle of parenthood would fall on my husband in my absence. (Okay, okay, it IS true that, on some of my many business trips, the kids would call to say that they hadn’t eaten anything but cereal in 4 days. I’ve always assumed that was hyperbole. Haley would like to stress that it never was, and that she once survived five days thanks to nothing but Raisin Bran, up until she ran out of milk and had to beg her father to please go buy more.)

Ken just is not in a position to care for his kids right now. He’s physically exhausted, collapsing into bed early in the evening and generally sleeping all night. He’s also hypersensitive to loud noises (like those made by kids and pets!) and emotionally bereft. He’s still trying to figure out who Ken is in our “new normal.” This means that the when I’m not there, the “inmates are running the asylum,” so to speak.

It’s going to be a tough week. We meet the radiation oncologist on Wednesday to get the details about Ken’s treatment. That appointment will be very stressful, as you might expect. Then, Thursday, we are back at the hospital. He’s temporarily done with chemo and will get weekly Erbitux until radiation starts. I’m hoping that a break from that stupid pump will lift his spirits.

My kids and I have many strategies for distracting ourselves from tedium, stress, etc. When they were younger, we’d take turns reading chapters of a book in the car (a personal favorite is Granny Torrelli Makes Soup), play I Spy or Twenty Questions, and do memory games like What’s in Granny’s Trunk. More recently we’ve been guessing movie quotes. Ian got this one right away in Target. It SO applies to our lives right now. Do you recognize it without google?

“I’ve got a judge that’s just aching to throw me in jail. An idiot who wants to fight me for two hundred dollars. Slaughtered pigs. Giant loud whistles. I ain’t slept in five days. I got no money, a dress code problem, AND a little murder case which, in the balance, holds the lives of two innocent kids. Not to mention your– thump, thump, thump— BIOLOGICAL CLOCK – my career, your life, our marriage, and let me see, what else can we pile on?”

Here’s hoping we all have a peaceful week.