About 20 years ago, I was seated next to a quite elderly woman on a flight to Las Vegas. Her name is lost to my memory but I’m going to call her Rose, which I think she would have appreciated. 

Rose had that terrible middle seat in a full plane. Everyone hates that seat, of course, but she was okay with it. We hadn’t even taken off when she started talking to me. If you’re anything like me, you have your in-flight entertainment prepared in advance. You’re working or reading or napping or watching something on your device. If you’re anything like me, you’re not chatting with your neighbors, except for the usual “excuse me; I need to visit the restroom.”

I was not delighted but Rose drew me in. She introduced herself to me by saying that she was fighting cancer. Obviously, I’m paraphrasing but here’s the gist of her introduction: “I don’t have cancer,” she said. “I didn’t want it, didn’t ask for it, would give it back if I could. It’s a demon that I’m fighting. I won’t ever own it but I’ll fight it for the rest of my life.” 

She was on her fourth fight and untiring in her objective. It was daunting to me at the time, to think about that fight. I didn’t understand, hadn’t had much experience with cancer yet. My paternal grandmother died within a month of her cancer diagnosis, long before the treatments that exist today, long before I met Rose. 

I could see how fierce she was. And joyful. She laughed often on that flight, telling me her story, asking me about mine–though, to be honest, mine seemed very small compared to the very big and important life Rose was living. She was a tiny woman, you know, whose spirit was the size of a dragon. I can still picture her, sitting to my left, a neck pillow around her neck, a book in her lap that she never opened and occasionally handed to me while she dug something out of her purse. 

Her hair was short and curly, more salt than pepper, her eyes brown, marked by laughter. It lined her cheeks, too, curving around a big, wide smile that, you might say, she shared generously. Her laugh was bigger than her small frame but suitable somehow. 

I think about her strength, her determination often and I believe, though I only knew her for five hours some 20 years ago, that she’d be delighted to have made an impression. Even if she won her battle with the demon–something that I’ll never know–she’s likely gone. But like all of us, she’s left memories that keep her alive. And for me, they’re good ones. 

Much love.