Before traveling to the Netherlands, I did a lot of research. I mean: I did A LOT of research: where to go, where to stay, what to miss and not miss. I read books about the Netherlands. I followed the Netherlands subreddit. You get the picture. 

My eldest and I planned the trip together. He’s been to Japan. I’d never crossed an ocean. We talked about our goals for the trip to make sure we’d each get out of it what we wanted. We bought tickets for two museums we really wanted to visit. We identified things we wanted to do. We were READY for our first overseas trip together. 

And mostly, it was great. There were the sorts of hiccups and oopsies you’d expect whenever you’re away from home for a bit. He caught some sort of gloopy upper respiratory illness. I had the malabsorption problems I expected. We stayed in the De Wallen neighborhood of Amsterdam, using public transportation to visit Leiden, Delft, Alkmaar, Zaanse Schans, and Nijmegen. We’d hoped to visit other places, too, but just ran out of time. 

I learned so much, and not all of it was about myself. For instance: 

• De Wallen is the red light district. Yes, we stayed in the red light district.
• It’s not necessary to bring two sweaters and extra socks. In fact, unpack half of the suitcase because your hotel doesn’t have an elevator, your room is on the third floor, and the staircase is a tiny spiral. 
• Sometimes, cars drive on the sidewalk. 
• Emergency vehicles drive anywhere they like.
• Homemade iced tea is nothing like iced tea in the states. (It’s much better.)
• American pancakes are not American. At all.
• Coffee shops sell weed and alcohol. (Cafes sell coffee and pastries.)
• Bakery cafes offer free food prior to closing time. 
• Signage is not in English.
• Bicycles are ridden by two types of people: those who won’t hit you even when you’re stupid and those who would really like to hit you–stupid or not–if they thought it wouldn’t damage their bike. 
• If a bicyclist wags their finger at you, you’ve really screwed up. I speak from personal experience.
• If you see a sign with a red circle around the edge and a happy pedestrian in the middle, it looks like “DO walk here.” It does NOT mean “DO.”
• If you talk in the silent train car, a Dutch person will come over and tap sharply, twice, on the glass window (where the word “stilte” is clearly visible). (I did not talk in the silent car but I did see it happen to someone else.)
• Men pee into the canals even though there are public urinals EVERYWHERE.
• Bathrooms in restaurants and museums are called water closets (WC), are mostly gender neutral, and are quite clean. 
• Public WCs are unspeakable and might as well not exist.
• Small, raised edges/door frames are exactly the same color as the floor around them and it will take approximately three toe stubbings to remember that fact.
• The red light district at 5PM on a Wednesday is roughly equal to an American frat house at 9PM on a Friday. 
• The red light district at 9PM on a Friday would make an American frat boy move to Amsterdam.
• My eldest was the model for the energizer bunny. Every day, I took at least 1,000 more steps than he did, just trying to keep up with his stride.
• Only the fearless drive cars in Amsterdam.
• Chocomel is my new favorite drink.
• The first thing visitors should do is take a canal tour in an open boat. 
• All the streets and sidewalks are stone or brick.
• Many of the roads are so narrow you have to flatten yourself against a building to avoid being grazed by the side mirrors of the truck passing you. 
• Heathrow is a nightmare-fueled torture airport.
• The Alkmaar cheese market would be interesting if it weren’t for the tourists. 
• I am a tourist.
• Sex work in the red light district is probably safer than in the US but it is still a misogynistic hellscape that requires women to stand in a window in less clothing than a bikini and tap on the glass to attract men.
• I am chronically dehydrated.
• Water for the table costs 7 euros.
• You don’t have to schedule every moment for your trip to be an adventure.
• Do not stand in the stupid tiktok stroopwafel line. It’s stupid. (Good advice from the Dutch.)
• The unhoused, poor, and vulnerable dig through garbage cans all over the city for recyclables, leaving garbage strewn all over the ground. They can easily turn the recyclables into money at any Albert Heijn grocery store.
• Garbage clean up occurs every single morning, particularly in the red light district, which gets pretty yucky every day except Sunday.
• Decongestant is not available at the grocery store. One has to visit an apotheek for such things.
• That slag room you buy thinking it is yogurt? It’s whipping cream.
• Public transportation in Amsterdam is surprisingly easy to figure out.
• Do not enter the tram from the rear door.
• Tap water tastes very good.
• Coffee usually comes with a tiny cookie.
• The bacon is more like ham. It does not scratch the bacon itch.
• Windmills, which are obsolete, can be found at the open air museum and are an awesome example of wind power.
• Brodje haring–raw, brined herring in a bun with a large amount of raw onion–is NOT FOR ME. 
• My son likes brodje haring.
• Often, butter arrives with a heavy sprinkle of maldon sea salt on top. This is a good idea.
• Cigarette smoking is very common. And still gross.
• Stamppot is a spectacular food that we should adopt in the US.
• We really do not understand how to make croissants.
• Delft is very small but confusing. I got lost on my way to the train station.
• My son has confirmed that I could get lost in an open field.

Much love.