If I have to suffer through this, at least I can blog about it. I thought (hoped?) that the abomination that is karaoke on campus had been cancelled for this year. Ever the optimist! Today is the day, loudly announced by a remarkable rendition of “Watermelon Sugar.” Whoever that young singer is, they are definitely optimistic if they think that sounded anything like Harry Styles … or singing. 

A couple days ago, I sent my annual email to the neighborhood’s campus contact, reminding him that students aren’t allowed to park on our street for more than 2 hours.This year, they’ve promised to patrol (campus police have jurisdiction on our street), remind students via campus communications, and, if necessary, write tickets. Since we’ve already had our first student-parked-in-front-of-someone’s-driveway incident, it seems appropriate to get the school involved. 

This might seem like me curmudgeonly asserting that these young kids need to “stay off my lawn.” But those of us who don’t have driveways, including my 90-year-old neighbors, need to have ready access to our houses and we pay an annual fee for that privilege. Since the campus library parking lot is directly accessed from our street, there’s always a lot of traffic during the school year and a couple hundred students try — at least three days per week — to use our street as extended campus parking. 

I wish I were exaggerating but literally every open spot (including driveways) is taken by students and if I’m foolish enough to move my car, there won’t be a spot for me when I get back. My neighbors sometimes use big orange cones — they even gave us some — but it isn’t legal or a powerful deterrent.  

Anyway, I heard back from Campus Dude within an hour. He agrees with my concern, reiterated their commitment to enforce the parking regulations, and then confessed that they have a big NEW concern that has them in a kerfuffle. Wait for it….wait for it … SPIN SCOOTERS. 

Yep. Spin scooters have invaded our city. In case you aren’t familiar, Spin is a company that provides rental scooters. I think it’s 15 cents a mile to rent them and you don’t have to find a station to lock them up when you’re done. You just drop your scooter wherever it’s legal for a vehicle to park. Ta Da — scooters everywhere. 

Yesterday there were at least 10 dropped on our little two-block street. (Yes, our street is literally only two blocks long.) Technically, it’s not legal for scooters to park on our street for more than two hours during the day (after hours and weekends it’s a free-for-all) but there’s no mechanism for ticketing scooters past the two-hour mark and you know those scooters are staying until someone needs a cheap ride. 

They don’t bother me, honestly. I can move a scooter out of my parking spot and I would rather have students using scooters than cars — better for the environment! But Campus Dude likes to shiny-object every discussion and this is his latest attempt. I know some folks are really complaining about the scooters but I’m actually student-friendly and want to encourage them to find effective ways to navigate inexpensively. 

I know you’re wondering what happened to the karaoke updates but they’ve temporarily(?) turned down the microphone so now I’m only getting occasional snippets of sound. I *think* someone is singing Charlie Puth’s “We Will Go” right now but I might have to go on campus to hear better. Just kidding. I’m not moving a single inch closer to that shrieking. 

Are you patiently awaiting the Big Announcement that I promised recently? It’s almost time. We’ll definitely have the great unveiling within the next week and I’m absolutely dying to drop a hint … but I can’t! What is it that those tiktok-ers say? “Like and follow for more!” HeHe

I heard today from a doctor friend that all the PICU beds in Alabama are filled with COVID children. As a parent who has needed a PICU for her child, this is terrifying. Where do they put non-COVID kids who need PICU beds? You already know the answer to this. Please, do your part to end this nightmare. (If you think doing your part is ingesting or inserting cattle dewormer, you actually — literally — are a danger to yourself and to everyone around you.)

When you enjoy your long weekend, Americans, remember that Labor Day is a celebration of workers’ rights. It began in the late 1800s but The Great Resignation of 2021 is a continuation of that desire for fair pay and good, safe working conditions. Be kind to the people who work difficult, often inhumane jobs delivering your packages in less time than it takes my dog to hoover up a dropped apple slice, taking your taco orders, bringing your extra ketchup, warming your not-hot-enough french fries. They’re people and they don’t deserve your discourtesy. 

Now, let’s end on a positive note (yes, intentional pun — come on, guys, I’m a writer) with a really loud, preferably off-key, version of Lizzo’s “Rumors.”

Much love.

Also, I’ve got a bunch of stuff out on sub so if you want to cross your fingers for me, that would be much appreciated. I’ve got mine crossed but it’s making typing really difficult.