The nightmare was bad, the kind that makes you choose not to sleep for the remainder of the night. It was 4ish when I awoke, though, so I lay in bed, listening to the sounds of the early morning: two foxes talking as they headed toward the park, early birds calling to each other – more likely warning others off but as a non-speaker of bird, I couldn’t say for sure. 

There was a gentle movement at my back. One of my doxies has been sleeping with me; and curled tightly against my back in my cold bedroom, she was dreaming, her paws twitching, her tail occasionally wagging. She wouldn’t want me to tell you this part … her small, pink tongue was sticking out of her mouth just slightly.

My oncology check-in was uneventful. The care team is mostly happy with my situation, reminding me to drink at least 64 ounces of water every day and moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. They Snow White-d me when I arrived:  “Let me see your hands.” It made me laugh but I doubt they got the reference, especially not the PA who seems somewhat humorless.

I’m doing well, more tired than I think I’m capable of describing. And wow, the chemo brain has set in. I forget the most mundane things – things I’ve never before forgotten. You can advise me to make lists and use a calendar – go ahead; I know you want to. Funny thing is, I do both and I STILL forget really mundane things. We’re talking about everything from a take-out order for one of my kids to a grocery item to a doctor appointment. 

Haley and I walked 10,800+ steps yesterday. It was cold and windy, not the best time to marathon-walk. Nonetheless, we walked. At day’s end, I was so tired that I tried to go to bed without eating, not feeling in the least inclined to bother. But all three of the kids stepped in to make sure I ate: Wheat Chex (the best Chex cereal; I will accept no argument to the contrary) and a banana was my choice and it was about all I could manage, lol. 

Today, we’re back at the spring cleaning. It’s been so much fun. I can see why the Maria Kondo’s of the world encourage it, though I think you have to be in the right mindset to see the value. We’re excited to be freeing ourselves of the burden to care for objects that no longer serve; but even five years ago, we wouldn’t have been able to do this.

My favorite place – one that has helped us a lot through this experience – is Construction Junction, a re-use store here in Pittsburgh. I’ve donated the unwanted and found new treasures that I’m really excited about. For example, we got two antique light fixtures. One will replace the gaping hole in the ceiling where the previous light was before the screws in the – oops, they cut the hole too big – drywall gave way, allowing the fixture to fall off the ceiling and swing by fragile wires. Now, all I have to do is repair the drywall and paint before I can hang that light – next week, if the chemo doesn’t chop me off at my knees. 

We were planning to put the second fixture – yes, we have a place for that, actually two. Cleaning out is not successful if you add back in all sorts of new stuff. SMH Anyway, the final location for the second fixture was being hotly debated – over the dining room table or in the kitchen. The kitchen will win because we realized that the dining room ceiling – my turn for an oopsie – isn’t wired for a light. The current monstrosity has a cord and plug, which I KNEW, obviously, but just kind of forgot in the midst of my passionate argument in favor of the dining room. 

We are, however, considering solutions for the dining room. Both of us are leaning toward removing the monstrosity (donating to Construction Junction, of course) and using ambient light instead. The monstrosity is so big that it’s forehead level if we move the table AND it is impossible to clean. There are reasons to keep something that’s been labeled hard-to-clean but “hating it” isn’t one of them.

Work was interrupted multiple times by dogs. It was so nice that the puppies were convinced that it would be warm. They insisted, multiple times, that it would be warm THIS TIME. Their disappointment was palpable. Mine would be too if only I had fingerprints but they were stolen by capecitabine. I hope I get them back later this year because dropping stuff is freaking annoying. Still, we were able to enjoy the sun, if not the temperature. Soon, we’ll have both.

Much love and time to smell the spring flowers.