It’s days after the Charlie Kirk murder and my daughter just went to see President Obama speak. I was nervous about her attending. We assert that we won’t be silenced by rhetoric demanding our silence but it’s another thing entirely to have one’s child in a place where political violence is a possibility, if not a likely event.
I read an article recently that cautioned against suggesting that one “side” is violent but the other “side” is not. I understand the argument, though the data shows clearly that one “side” IS literally responsible for the vast majority of political violence. To suggest otherwise is a little disingenuous, isn’t it? It’s not that liberals are incapable of violence. Everyone can be pushed beyond rational into irrational behavior. Perhaps liberals are just generally more accepting of difference.
Anyway, I was walking into Shadyside yesterday when I saw an elderly couple coming toward me. She was petite, with long white hair. He was tall, wearing a ball cap. He said something that made her laugh and then smile at him. She reached up and curled a lock of her hair between her fingers and I saw, just for a moment, the young woman she used to be.
Today, I am at a body shop. My car was sideswiped again, this time taking out only the driver side mirror. The actual mirror wasn’t damaged but the casing was cracked beyond repair. For several weeks now, my car has looked like an orange terminator as his facade was being torn away.
The car is a manual transmission which, I know, is a rarity these days. When I have to surrender it, I always ask the young people taking the keys if they can drive a stick. I don’t have to ask anyone older than me because they, too, grew up with manual being the standard. Not long ago, I had to back my own car out of a big garage bay because the only worker who could drive a manual left early. When armageddon occurs, I’m golden, except that I won’t be able to get contacts or replacement glasses. That will suck.
Joel, owner of the body shop, just popped his head in to ask me if I can stay a little longer. He waved the new casing at me. It’s the wrong color. They’re going to have to paint it. He asked if I was okay with it being the wrong color. Friends. My car is ORANGE. Pumpkin orange. Not pumpkin spice orange. Not rust orange. Not peach. It’s ORANGE. Do I mind having a gray side mirror? Uh, YEAH. If I wanted a gray car, I’d have gotten a gray car. Honestly, I have moved through the world quietly, with little color in it for too many years. So, I’ll be staying at the body shop a wee bit longer than I’d planned.
Yesterday, I had the fright of my life, thankfully it lasted .02 seconds but I’ll be honest. My heart stuttered. I was walking up the sidewalk to my house, carrying one of our cats in a carrier. My 97 year old next door neighbor was walking down his steps. I may have mentioned that this man is the single nosiest human being to exist in this or the last century. Yes, I know. You think I’m exaggerating. Well, here’s my proof that I’m not: he was so busy rubbernecking what I was carrying that he forgot he was walking down his steps. He stepped forward and landed ON HIS FEET two full steps below where he’d just been standing. He Danny Kaye’d those steps like a boss. I’m kind of proud but also it’s a miracle that he didn’t break his hip.
A brief public service announcement: someone has just joined me in the waiting room at the body shop. I briefly looked over as he sat down and got an actual eyeful of bare man butt. Do men 1) not care; 2) not notice; 3) not wear underwear? Now I’m afraid to look over there again, though I have a weird compulsion to keep checking whether he’s fixed the issue. But I’m not going to check because I don’t want to see anymore buttcrack.
If you live in the area, you might have heard about the four alarm fire in Squirrel Hill last week. I was with my son and completely unaware that there was a fire. Here’s me, all righteously indignant as that strong burn smell permeates the car, making me cough: “we’re in a drought. No one should be burning leaves right now.” My son looks at me like I’m crazy. “Mom, an apartment building is burning down two streets over.” OH.
We headed to the waterfront and watched the dark, billowing smoke, the arcing jets of water from the firehouses. The building was a total loss but everyone got out safely. I drove by today, on my way to the body shop. It’s in the process of being demolished because part of the roof collapsed on the day of the fire. The smell of smoke still heavily permeates the air. The front wall is partially gone. The second floor reaches for the ground like Michael Jackson’s anti-gravity lean but with grief instead of beauty. People at the Levin Clubhouse down the street took the residents in that morning, gave them drinks, held them while they cried. I heard that the firefighters went into the engulfed building after pets and important papers, helping, risking their lives for others, as they always seem to.
Two weeks ago, my eldest and I were eating breakfast at Kelly O’s in Pittsburgh’s Strip District. Four firefighters, heavily muscled, their hair cut short, sat at a booth in front of us. The youngest was younger than my thirty year old son. The eldest was probably a few years older than me, grizzled, his bald head shining in the morning sun. We stopped at their table as we were leaving. They looked up from their seats and smiled at us as I thanked them for the work they do and wished them safe passage. We also bought their breakfast, which caused two of the men to blush. I’m rather disappointed that they don’t always eat for free.
The current leader of the “Free Our Butt Cheeks” (FOBC) movement has addressed his body… no, no, um…has finished his business…hmm…has cracked the…not that…has wiped…. Wow. He’s not here. He’s gone. He sat in the only chair in the shade, which now has bare butt (bear butt?) (bare bear butt?) (bear bare butt?) on it so…I’m just going to roast in the sun. I have more cheeky jokes but(t) I’m going to grin and bare it instead. (No, I’m not)
I’m at the coffee shop now. I’m “supposed” to be waiting for a dishwasher delivery (not my dishwasher) but the wifi there isn’t sterling. Thus, with the hubris of a middle-aged white woman, I’m counting on my ability to arrive before the delivery truck when I get the warning call. Will I make it in time? We’ll see. Given that I am late for everything, even my liver surgery, I wouldn’t bet on me.
An older couple just crossed the street. They’re holding pinkies very casually, their hands swinging gently as they walk. My husband hated holding hands with the fire of a thousand suns. I was slightly taller and he complained that our height difference made hand-holding awkward. But I’ve always wanted to hold hands with my partner. I think I missed out, to be honest, but perhaps that’s just my desire for companionship.
An employee from the bakery across the street just tried to negotiate a pastry swap with the coffee shop, without success. I almost offered to participate but I don’t actually have any pastries so it would really just be me asking the bakery for free treats. That works for me but I don’t think he’d agree.
There’s an elderly lady sitting outside, on the opposite side of the big garage window from me. She has beautiful iron-gray hair and well-manicured nails that she is assiduously filing and has been since I arrived. In my life, I don’t think I’ve spent as much time on my fingers and toes, which may be why I just described her nails as well-manicured.
Have you ever–even as a child–been hugged when you really didn’t want to be? Perhaps you didn’t know or didn’t like the hugger or maybe you just wanted to maintain your personal space, undisturbed. Once, I worked with a man who hugged and kissed all the women he worked with. He was in a position of power. Our options were limited unless we (by we, I mean women, obviously) were willing to be labeled “difficult to work with” by leadership. In a world where it was incredibly difficult to get ahead, being labeled difficult was tantamount to blacklisting. Thus, we kept silent.
In my private life, I began addressing this imbalance, particularly with children whose voices are often less heard even than women’s. I was talking with someone today about that. She complained that her child relatives don’t like hugging her. I asked if she asked those children for permission and she told me that they have to hug her. She MAKES them. Hey, guess what?! I may have figured out the problem. Making anyone hug you is a violation of the very boundaries we try to teach children so they don’t have to put up with the creepy hugs (and kisses) we had to endure as children. And even as adults. So, just ask. And gracefully accept “no” if it’s given. You could even offer a high five, a fist bump, hand shake, wave, as options. When we teach children boundaries, those boundaries need to apply equally to us.
The men’s cross country team just ran by. I didn’t gawk at their young, fit, shirtless, tattooed beauty. I’m no creeper ogling young men my children’s age; but all of my young coffee shop neighbors did some very serious ogling. I watched the heads swivel from left to right as the runners passed in front of the window. Hehe
My computer ran out of juice. I have moved to a squishy chair beside an outlet. There are two people sitting on the sofa next to me, chatting about things that mean nothing to me. Since I’m supposed to be working, I’m trying really hard not to let their conversation distract me. Nonetheless, occasionally, the man laughs aloud and I wish you could hear it. It’s delightful, a deep belly laugh that makes the listener want to share his mirth.
The work day is NOT over. I have an article to finish and I cannot sleep until it’s done, which is why I’m now finishing this blog…wait.
Anyway, before heading home, I walked across the street to our favorite pizza place to order take out and then sat on the bench outside to wait (and to continue working on my article). I was there for about 10 minutes when a young man and his date, a young Asian woman (we’ll call her cute shirt because she was wearing a cute shirt), left the pizza place with cups of gelato. They passed me on my bench just as a scream issued from across the street. Naturally, I turned toward the sound and discovered another young Asian woman (we’ll call her red cardy because she was wearing a red cardigan) watching the white dude and cute shirt approach. Red cardy screamed, “WTF? Another Asian girl?” Her use of vocal emphasis was perfection, by the way.
The white man ignored her, walked by with cute shirt. Honestly, a rather bold move, I thought. Red cardy followed them, yelling. Sadly, I could not hear her exact words, though I suspect them of being quite righteous. Certainly they were fueled by rage. He stopped and turned around.
Cute shirt is now the third point of their triangle, looking uncomfortably between the two. She has stopped eating her gelato. As appearances go, she’s well-placed, standing equidistant. Better not to choose sides or make alliances until all the facts are out. The conversation, muted now, continues for several minutes. Cute shirt turns to red cardy who is preparing to walk away. Red cardy says something to cute shirt who nods agreement. Alliances have formed. I suspect that the young man, who appears to have been dating two Asian women, is now dating zero Asian women.
And now, I promise you, I am returning to my article so my poor editor doesn’t feel compelled to kill me, even though I definitely deserve it.
Much love.
